So yesterday I had the privilege of learning that a friend of mine blocked me on msn. I really don't know whether to consider them as a friend any more, simply because our friendship was fragile by this point of time already. It's kind of like those "Jenga" towers, and my friend's final move toppled everything over. Am I bothered because I was blocked? Not fully, I just find it immature. What does bother me though is that one week ago, that person said that they would never do something like that. I trusted those words. Now I have no trust.
Why would I trust someone if the friendship was so fragile? It is because it didn't used to be fragile. That person used to be my closest friend. However, a long time ago, I made a mistake towards this person - I bottled up some issues I had involving this person because I didn't want to risk losing what we had. That bottling up ended up hurting both of us, and despite my best intentions, I ended up losing the person anyways. It was inevitable. I could only delay it for so long. However, all was not lost. There was one last strand of friendship between us. We kept distance, but I thought we still trusted and respected each other. I thought wrong. Now, I move on. The last strand was cut.
Does all of this bother me? A bit; but I can't let things linger within me. Life is too short. But deep down inside, like any human being, I'm looking for reason and understanding of this situation. More importantly, was this situation incidental, or is it reflective of those around me, those that I will meet and human nature as a whole?
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One bad situation.
One bad day.
One bad friendship.
One bad relationship.
One bad minute.
One bad second.
One bad impression...
...Should not be enough to taint your view of everyone else Wissam. Think of the millions of people out there in the World who have a chance to make a great impression on you.
Be careful not to put up a wall and block these wonderful people from entering your life.
There is a reason why the phrase "only a handful" is used so frequently... you will not find truly good people all the time. But you will find a little bit of good in every person... so have hope and have faith that the next time you meet someone they will appreciate you for who you are... and you will do the same :)
PS: Every snowflake is unique. Sure they are all cold water... but each has its own intricate pattern. One does not reflect justly on the rest.
So yesterday the friend and I talked..I'm not sure what to make of their explanation, I could see their point, but at times as I look back, there's inconsistencies in what was said. Does it matter anymore? I'm not sure. We deleted each other. Did I want to do that? Not fully, I was tired of running around in a circle of explanations, and deletion was the only feasible exit out of that loop. If it helps my friend, then I suppose it's worth it, but do I still call them a friend if I get the hunch they want to erase me from their existence? It reminds me of that movie Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind..and in the end, I hope they don't see me in a negative way still because I certainly don't. I had good times. and now, like any story, things come to an end. What I will think of this chapter of my life 10 years down the road? who knows, but at least I'll have this as a memory of it.
So I'm still thinking about this. Was I being mean by venting my feelings out? Do I feel bad when my friend read this post?
I do admit I feel a bit bad, but I can't pinpoint why exactly. Maybe because I feel like I lost someone and they lost me as a friend. The whole purpose of this post was to vent and to ask - if I trusted this friend so much, even with my life, then if they broke their word to me, then should I be as trusting in general? I don't really know the answer.
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